SWALL OF SHAME

Swanctioned

Popeyes (11210 S Memorial Pkwy)

Reason: Coupon Crime

Expires: 03-05-2026 ()

Great American Cookie Company (Bridge Street)

Reason: Illegal Fees

Expires: 01-01-2053 ()

Apple Inc.

Reason: Not even Possible to Own their Products

Expires: Never

Auburn University Athletics Department

Reason: Heisman Heist (Swanction Extends to Cam Newton and Tommy Tubberville)

Expires: Never

Functional Team

Reason: No Function

Expires: Never

Reason: Artificial Intelligence

Expires: Never

Lego

Reason: Rebate Rebellion

Expires: Never

North Alabama Builders Association

Reason: The Handrail was Long Enough

Expires: Never

Subway (11437 S Memorial Pkwy Suite A)

Reason: Coupon Crime

Expires: Never

The English Standard Bible

Reason: Unholy License Issue

Expires: When Christ Returns

The OSCP

Reason: Broken Boxes

Expires: Never?

UAH

Reason: Timeout Timeout

Expires: Deep Permanent

Wonderful Pistachios

Reason: Butt Tort

Expires: Never

Costco

Reason: Taxation without Representation

Expires: 01-01-2053 ()

JoNaThAn’S

Reason: Shady Surcharge

Expires: 01-01-2053 ()

Slim Chickens

Reason: Chicken was not 3% Better (Swanction Extends to all Slim Chickens - Unless Under Duress)

Expires: 01-01-2053 ()

Iron Bank

Reason: False advertising (Swanction Extends to Container Contents)

Expires: Never

Iron Bank

Reason: False advertising (neither a party nor a bus)

Expires: Never

Swarned

Checkmarx

Reason: May Exfiltrate Data to the Holy Land

Expires: 03-05-2026 ()

The Chosen

Reason: Mormons

Expires: 03-05-2026 ()

Understand

Reason: Mormons

Expires: 03-05-2026 ()

swanctions.com

Reason: Threatened lives by including Pfizer on this list

Expires: 03-10-2026 ()

Swarchived

Great American Cookie Company

Reason: Unknown (Bad Chip Ratio?)

Expired: 01-01-2021

Assess Only

Reason: An Assess Only is not the Same as an Assess and Authorize.

Expired: 03-06-2025

BJ's Wholesale

Reason: BJ's Wholesale has Inferior Rotisserie Chicken Compared to Costco and Sams. I was Very Disappointed in the Quality of their Chicken.

Expired: 03-06-2025

Bagel Delivery

Reason: Todd brought bagels and they are in the breakroom. Come get some!

Expired: 03-06-2025

Black Badges

Reason: The SwA Team has Two Black Badges which is Two more Black Badges than the Blue Team has. I am Better than Justin.

Expired: 03-06-2025

Black Friday

Reason: Black Friday Just isn't What it Used to be. I Remember Waking Up at the Crack of Dawn and Fighting Old Women for TVs.

Expired: 03-06-2025

Custom AI

Reason: There WILL be a Custom Trained SwA AI. It will be Trained on Static Analysis Results. It will not be Vanilla Ollama.

Expired: 03-06-2025

Requirements Documents

Reason: I've been Clear on this Since the Very Beginning.

Expired: 03-06-2025

Satellite Launch

Reason: I know a Guy who will Launch a Satellite for us if we can get it done by Friday.

Expired: 03-06-2025

Surprise Inspections

Reason: Auditors are here doing room inspections. Make sure everything is clear for them to come in and inspect.

Expired: 03-06-2025

Tesla Vehicles

Reason: You Cannot Disable the Cameras on Tesla Vehicles. They are Illegal to Drive on Government Installations.

Expired: 03-06-2025

VLC Media Player

Reason: VLC Contains a Dirty French DVD Codec which would be Illegal to Distribute Anywhere else in the World.

Expired: 03-06-2025

Surprise Inspections: Auditors are here doing room inspections. Make sure everything is clear for them to come in and inspect. Bagel Delivery: Todd brought bagels and they are in the breakroom. Come get some! Tesla Vehicles: You Cannot Disable the Cameras on Tesla Vehicles. They are Illegal to Drive on Government Installations. VLC Media Player: VLC Contains a Dirty French DVD Codec which would be Illegal to Distribute Anywhere else in the World. Requirements Documents: I've been Clear on this Since the Very Beginning. Assess Only: An Assess Only is not the Same as an Assess and Authorize. Black Badges: The SwA Team has Two Black Badges which is Two more Black Badges than the Blue Team has. I am Better than Justin. Custom AI: There WILL be a Custom Trained SwA AI. It will be Trained on Static Analysis Results. It will not be Vanilla Ollama. Satellite Launch: I know a Guy who will Launch a Satellite for us if we can get it done by Friday. Black Friday: Black Friday Just isn't What it Used to be. I Remember Waking Up at the Crack of Dawn and Fighting Old Women for TVs. BJ's Wholesale: BJ's Wholesale has Inferior Rotisserie Chicken Compared to Costco and Sams. I was Very Disappointed in the Quality of their Chicken.